Crud fanzine - the sequel

Crud #2 slithered into existence in April 1987, propelled by enthusiasm, naivety, and a heroic shortage of imagination. True to form, it contained the standard fanzine ritual: interviews with the usual suspects—the bands who were permanently mid-sentence in everyone else’s photocopied pages too. Still, there was method in the monotony. After catching Chumbawamba at the Boardwalk in Manchester alongside Anhrefn, I fired off a postal interview to the former and cornered the latter for a chat as well. Anhrefn were riding a small wave of excitement at the time, thanks to their anthem Action Man landing on the 7” compilation The First Cuts Are The Deepest on Words Of Warning Records.

The issue’s cultural gravitas was further elevated by Young Bowler’s Garfield cartoon, which depicted the lasagne-loving feline in a state of profound psychedelic exploration. Meanwhile, Jill The Ripper packed the margins with her razor-sharp doodles. One of these—featuring a punk sheep riding a skateboard—caught Anhrefn’s eye. They promptly commissioned her to design their album cover for Defaid, Skateboards A Wellies (Defaid meaning “sheep,” in case you're Welsh-not). Released in October on Workers Playtime Records, the album softened their live bite into something closer to punk flirting with new wave, but still a great debut all the same. Jill’s reward for her artistic breakthrough was being credited on the sleeve as “Jill The Kipper,” which she did not, for one second, believe was a charming linguistic misunderstanding ha-ha!

Promotion for the zine became a full-contact sport. I hitchhiked in all weather along the A55 and onward to Manchester and Liverpool, dropping copies on record shop counters like a low-budget Johnny Appleseed of stapled paper. Piccadilly Records, Probe, Kavern Records in Rhyl, and Cob in Bangor all received their unsolicited deliveries. Not content with legitimate distribution, I branched into covert operations—slipping copies onto magazine shelves in WH Smiths and assorted newsagents. This was the golden pre-barcode era, when a shopkeeper could simply ring up 25p and politely pretend the zine had always belonged there. Guerrilla marketing, 1987 style: equal parts optimism, mild trespass, and blind faith that someone, somewhere, might actually buy the thing... and they did! By the sackful!

SONS OF SELINA

Did my 1st SOS interview with a zine for ages, for Akasha Goth zine of Liverpool...

1/ FOR THE BENEFIT OF THE READERS WHOSE FORAYS INTO THE DARK HAVE NOT YET ENCOMPASSED THE BAND; WHO'S IN IT, HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN TOGETHER, WHAT INSTRUMENTS/EFFECTS DO YOU USE?

We're the football team of rock. We have a defence, midfield, attack & substitutes. In one form or another we've been the Sons Of Selina since October 1990 & 3 of us were together in a different band for 3 years before that. Instruments? Vocals, 3 guitars, bass, mono-synths, keyboards & drums.

2/WHAT MADE YOU CHOOSE YOUR BAND'S NAME?

4 pints of Guinness whilst sitting on a plush settee in the Cayley Arms in Rhos-on-Sea in North Wales.

3/WHICH IS THE FAVOURITE OF YOUR OWN GIGS & WHY?

In the early chaotic days we turned up at a Welsh language festival, we were too drunk to stand up, let alone play so 3 of us guitar, bass & drums made an unholy racket, insulted the 800 people present to the extent that they wanted to kill us, & then we left very quickly, taking somebody else's drumkit with us. We went through a phase of gatecrashing places, plugging in & playing, the Uk Subs were a pushover & always let us play but the more interesting venues were a bus station on a Sunday morning, a couple of town centres on Saturday afternoons, a college dinner hall at dinner time & a children's party on a holiday camp.

4/WHAT'S ON YOUR STEREO RIGHT NOW?

In my living room it's The Box- Orbital, in my office it's Exhale by Sound Inhaler, & in the car it's the Purple Electric Violin Concerto by Ed Alleyne Johnson.

5/WHO WOULD YOU MOST LIKE TO GIG WITH & WHY?

Michelle Gayle because it would probably be the opportunity I'd ever get (however remote) of sleeping with her.

6/DESCRIBE YOUR BEST & WORST MOMENTS & WHY?

In the band- playing live on Mark Radcliffe's Radio One show, it had to be the biggest rush of adrenalin I had ever experienced. The worst- getting food poisoning on tour in Holland.

7/DO YOU HAVE ANY 'IDOLS' OR PEOPLE YOU ADMIRE?

No.

8/ARE THERE ANY INFLUENCES FROM LIFE THAT YOU INCLUDE IN YOUR MUSIC?

Everything we see & experience is an influence therefore life is included in our music, I tend to write all our songs when I'm uptight, annoyed or pissed off, we haven't written anything for 12 months so I guess I'm enjoying life at the moment.

9/WHAT DO YOU THINK LIFE WILL BE LIKE AFTER THE YEAR 2000?

Won't it be strange when we're all fully grown, meet you there 2 o'clock by the fountain down the road, I never knew that you'd get married, I would be standing here on my own on that damp & lonely Thursday years ago.

10/WHAT BANDS HAVE YOU GIGGED WITH & WHERE?

Membranes, UK Subs, Blitzkrieg, Culture Shock, Metal Duck, PMT, Boquet Of Thorns, Anhrefn, Cerebral Fix, Rubber Whips, Clan Morrigan, Mantaray, Porcupine Tree, Suicidal Flowers, Kava Kava, Mandagora etc.

Everywhere from as north as Hebden Bridge to as south as Amsterdam.

11/IF YOU WERE AN ANIMAL WHICH WOULD YOU BE?

A cat as it's an easy life & I could shit in hard to get at but easy to smell places.

12/DO YOU BELIEVE IN/HAVE HAD ANY EXPERIENCES WITH GHOSTS, VAMPIRES, WEREWOLVES, IMMORTAL BEINGS & THE LIKE?

As a child I had seen & experienced apparitions, but whether these were down to an over active brain, a future flash-back after all the acid consumed in the early 80's or from watching too much of Tom's Midnight Garden I do not know!

13/DO YOU BELIEVE IN REINCARNATION?

Could there actually be another me? Does a consciousness continue existing after death & take on a fresh brain just conceived & start all over again? I'll tell you when we meet on the other side.

14/ANY SPECIAL MESSAGES/ISSUES NOT COVERED BY THE ABOVE?

We are quite a lazy band, we did loads of gigs at the start but hardly play live anymore (we did 6 gigs last year), but we will play if we're asked nicely, so drop us a line to say you've got an excellent venue that wants to put on a thoroughly memorable show.

GIG 0016 - Anhrefn / Paraletics at Rydal School, Colwyn Bay (The Birth of Crud)

It was the 30th of August, 1986, and I was in my flat on Ellesmere Road, Colwyn Bay. I remember it well — one of those warm days when you’ve got the rickety shash windows open and the world just drifts in. That afternoon, I started hearing the thud of drums and raw guitars echoing across from beyond the main road. It sounded good. Really good. Curious, I followed the noise.

The music was coming from the Rydal School playing fields — an open-air punk gig / summer fete happening right in the middle of Colwyn Bay. Rydal was a private school, and not exactly unfamiliar territory. Being teenagers, we’d often skulk around there, full of adolescent hormones and the daft idea that we might catch a glimpse into the girls' showers.

On stage was a Welsh punk band called Anhrefn, delivering a fierce, rebellious set. I’d actually heard them just the week before, doing a session on John Peel’s show on Radio One. Seeing them live was something else — wild, Welsh, loud, and absolutely vital.

Sharing the bill were another band from Bangor called The Paraletics, just as raucous, just as raw. Their guitarist, Jez, ended up getting told off mid-set by — of all things — an angry clown, furious about his swearing. You couldn’t make it up.

As the bands played, I was appraoched by a guy selling fanzines. One stood out immediately — ROX, thrown together by John Robb of The Membranes, a maniacal noise outfit from Blackpool. I’d flicked through countless 'zines over the years, but this one had a real charge to it. It was anarchic, urgent, buzzing with DIY spirit.

I’d been keeping a scrapbook since leaving school three years earlier, full of oddball newspaper cuttings, satirical bits, and funny headlines. As I thumbed through ROX, I thought, Why not do something with all that? Maybe put together a fanzine of my own.

When I mentioned it to Edi, he took the idea a step further.

"Why don’t we do a ragmag-type magazine for the Bay?" he said.

I paused. "Yeah. But what the hell would we call it?"

Edi didn’t even flinch. "Well," he said, with a perfectly timed pause, "Crud."

And that was it. That was the moment it began — on a late summer day in Colwyn Bay, fuelled by punk noise, DIY attitude, and a clown with a grudge.