You Fat Bastard

'...he's so fat he can't wipe his own arse!'
Well, not quite but I have piled on a few pounds in the last few months, probably a culmination of eating too much, drinking too much, changing jobs and less stress! I haven't exactly gone up a dress size, but I guess at 42 I should be keeping an eye on what goes in my mouth (steady now!). We did Download Festival last week (we being the fellowship of divorcees - seven years for me now!) and on the third day we staggered through the dust in the hot sun, extremely hungover, and one of the boys asked the question, 'Why do we do this to ourselves?'
And I quipped, 'Because we can!'
Nothing else was needed to be said. We do it because we can.
Download was on occasion a musical shock to the punk blood that throbs through my system, and I just about survived Def Leppard via means of a Jack Daniels drip. It was only fair to take Tim up on his suggestion that we accompanied him to this Rawk Festival, as he has endured many a thrashed out pure punk show over the years, which is no mean feat for a boy brought up on the likes of Whitesnake (yikes).
So what has my waistline gotta do with this? Well, not a lot really, it's more my health that causes a tad of concern, only because when you hit my age you start getting a little paranoid and think that any over doing it could leave you lying on a cold slab. Perhaps 4 days and 4 nights of drunken debauchery, eating shit and sleeping 4 hours in 24 on hard ground, coupled with crowd surfing to Faith No More and baking in the midday sun is for those younger than ourselves.
Ah fuck it - live fast, die tired....

French Connection

Spent 3 days in the searing scorching heat of rural France last weekend - it was the first time they had had sun in a fortnight so I was lucky enough to burn my pen moel (bald head to you non-Welsh) heathens. The barbecue smoked, the Crudlets and Frenchlets played and the Jack Daniels flowed (wine drinking is a myth, the French are strictly hardcore!) -
Celine had her iPlayer on random, rattling out all kinds of weird and wonderful sounds, until something very familiar pulsed across the Gallic countryside, 'I know this... what is it?' I enquired.
'You should do, it's The Racketears.' She replied, well, perhaps not in such good English, but I understood. She had heard them on my podcast and downloaded as much of the Colwyn Bay band as was legally possible.
The power of radio...
Let's hope we all go out to see, not only The Racketears, but whoever Blood & Lipstick promoter Steve Rastin puts on at the Zu Club in Rhyl. We need to support this new venture and do so regularly; not just those who live in the town, but the bods from Colwyn Bay, Holywell and inland. The opening night is on September 10th (Wednesday of course!)
Zu Bar

Globally Parasitically Correct

Thirteen years ago today Martin Wilding, Steve Sync, Robin Hemuss, Steve Jones, Cumi Pants and myself alighted the stage at The Vlietpop festival in Den Haag as the Sons of Selina. So it was quite fitting and warming to read another Colwyn Bay band's plight of entertaining our Dutch cousins earlier this month.
Global Parasite have been making noises on the scene for a little over 18 months and have worked their way up to heady heights of the modern punk scene.None of this was by being in the right place at the time, it is through sheer hard work and total determination - 'have band, will travel' - they play anywhere and everywhere, and remarkably without their own transport.
Global Parasite spawned from The Cox who were the punk heroes of their own backyard and released the absolute classic single Nailbomb The Dancefloor, a semi-jocular assault on the disco club culture 'I'm gonna sign up to the Al-Qaeda... DJ die you fucking cunt.' It certainly was an assault on the senses and a doctored version was played many times on BBC Radio Wales by Adam Walton.
The Cox were doomed because of Leigh's phobia; the guitarist had a reluctance to travel, which handicapped the band and tied them to a short stretch of the North Wales coast. Global Parasite are a progression of The Cox; Ste, Matt and Dave dedicate themselves to the cause, with strong politically-anarcho-punk beliefs and the ability to pen more stomping anthems such as the single Smash The New World Order, and more importantly, the ability to take their message to any town or city they choose. Chances are they'll play in a town near you, go and see them it'll be worth the fiver's entrance fee. In an age crammed with old punk bands in their mid-forties playing the same combination of three chords, it's refreshing to see a young punk band playing more dynamically progressive tunes and crowd surfing their way to the front of the scene.
http://www.myspace.com/globalparasite

Chewing The Gum

A new law has been passed in Denbighshire; it is now illegal to spit chewing gum on the pavement. This is a momentous occasion and it is warming to see hundreds of youths being carted off in cattle trucks to be administered their punishments.
Of course the new law is more the result of one councillor’s crusade after stepping in the sticky discarded stuff one time too many and will do little, if nothing to tackle the problem of the chewing gum mosaic pavements we have in the county.
Unless I’m terribly mistaken, it is against the law to discard waste onto the streets and yet a walk down Rhyl high street is more of a wade as you’ll find yourself knee deep in litter. How many times do you open the paper and read of a prosecution for littering the streets? One look at the swirling array of crisp packets and McDonalds cartons will tell you not very often.
It’s fine to spend time and money passing laws that will prove completely useless in the face of volleys of chewed up gum, but perhaps a different perspective on the problem should be taken – Chewing gum is obviously resilient stuff, it sticks to the pavement forever. Why not use it to tarmac the roads instead? You could even go as far as passing a law that only dark grey coloured gum is allowed to be sold in the county and therefore won’t show up on the streets!

Worming Books

I may or may not come as a surprise, but I have spent the last five months writing a book on the History of The Alternative Scene in North Wales. From the rudimentary beginnings of The Alarm to the present day bands and people.
What began as an idea to simply collate the information I have at hand on the link2wales website has become a mammoth task of interviewing and emailing countless people involved in the scene. Some have ignored my requests, but most have been more than helpful; excellent in fact, with a whole host of stories that'll make you laugh, gasp and read in disbelief.
It was a difficult decision to go ahead with the book - one publisher had offered me a far better deal if I had included the whole of Wales; but it was a deal not worth giving up work for, which is what I would have had to have done to take on such a task. Plus North and South Wales may as well be on opposite sides of the world. So North Wales it is - I'll probably be lucky to sell 500 copies, but it is something I've always wanted to do, something I've held close to my heart and something you'll really enjoy reading - when it eventually comes out...
If anyone has an idea for a title - please let me know...

Democracy Phone In

I was reading in the local rags a couple of weeks ago about some councillor or other and then a letter from a disgruntled Rates Payer moaning about the huge bill of 'expenses' our councillors run up.
Let's face reality here, anyone, and I mean anyone (over 18) can be a councillor if they have enough friends. I'm not certain of the figures but it would not surprise me in the slightest if some councillors are voted into their seat of power with fewer than a hundred votes. This is hardly representing the people of their ward, and I doubt that even 10% of a councillor's constituents could tell you the name of their representative (I couldn't!).
Why? Simple, dogs fouling pavements, planning approval for a new shop, Grading buildings, setting speed limits etc. Not really rivetting stuff is it! Apathy has for many years been at the heart of the British democracy. The general public don't really care, it doesn't concern them if Gordon Brown is running the country or if Gerry Forbisher is planting a token tree on the Ffrith. A 36% turn out at the last General Election and 40 of your mates to get you voted onto the local council. So along with democracy, fascism and communism, you also have Apathy as a new and very popular kind of politics because people would rather sit at home and watch TV.
That's the answer! TV! Political Big Brother, vote your worst MP out of the House; the public love doing things like that, and they'd even pay the premium phone-line rates to do so. I'm A Politician Get Me Outta Here, Play Your Councillors Right, Councillor Fortunes, Council Idol, Councillordown, The Weakest Link, One Man and His Councillor, Ant & Dec's Saturday Night Councillor, the list is endless and it would make voting far more fun!

Casting The Crud

The quest is on this year to push the Crud Cast online radio show to more listeners – I launched the CrudCast myspace page last week and response has been good, and unlike the last few years, the effort needs to be sustained with a weekly show (rather than when I could be arsed).
Last year, each show had more listeners, but only because there’d be a month (usually longer) hiatus between each episode, thus giving people longer to source the show. This year I’ve done it weekly – it’s decreased the number of listeners to each show, but the task is now to increase the awareness and bring in more listeners.So who exactly sits down and listens to what is really a specialist show? Probably the bands that are on it and other bands! When I say specialist, it’s not really that – it’s not like an hour dedicated to Brutal Hardcore or Back Street Colwyn Hip-Hop. Someone once described me as John Peel’s alter ego, and I guess Peel’s eclectic bent is there simply by the fact it was he who moulded my musical tastes through those influential teenage years.The length of the show was also a factor – there’s enough music at hand to go and on, but my time is limited and so is yours! So an hour a week is more than enough I think and it’ll fit nicely onto your iPod. The aim is to now establish CrudCast through the medium of myspace and link2wales and with flyers at gigs, and then eventually by advertising it in the music press.Let me know what you think…
http://www.myspace.com/crudcast