Facefook

I hate Facebook – it’s trashed the net for anorak saddoes like me. The herding mentality of humans even happens online and we all devoutly follow the ‘leaders’ without thought, or the need for thought.

Let’s take the guy who lives in a town a thousand years ago, and he’s fed up of the Jones’ next door forever trying to keep up with him, so he ups sticks and heads for the country and builds a little house and happily settles down there. When he’s a bit lonely or needs supplies he’ll pop back into the town for a pint and a gossip. His family and friends see that his lifestyle is the type they want, and they one by one move out into the country and build houses next to our guy. Before long his house in the country is part of a village, which becomes a town, then a city, and someone gets fed up and moves out to the country, and so on. It’s our tribal mentality.

The internet is similar… They call it social networking… So few people or bands have their own websites these days, or if they do, so few people visit them… Facebook has taken over… It’s a government conspiracy to keep us all glued to our PCs… Jello Biafra was right all along..!

I don’t really give a toss if Sharon is now single, or if Kevin has had chocolate hob-nobs with his coffee, and neither is it really your business if I’m pissed off at work today. Yes it is and can be entertaining watch someone’s relationship crumble in public as they hang their dirty washing out for all and sundry to gloat and see, but my gripe is that it’s killed the music network. Or more significantly myspace.

Myspace was a reasonable platform for bands, but nowadays it’s like someone who spotwelds washing machines on a production line… you may as well be dead. Myspace is dead.. No one uses it anymore… Bands don’t update their pages and most don’t have their own websites.

Twitter is in instant time, you get info for ‘the now’ and it’s gone within minutes. Facebook is one down from there, the info is up for a day before being drowned in a sea of nonsensicality.

Ok let’s say I wanna see what a hard working band like Bastions are up to… I’ll go to their Facebook page, I ‘Like’ them already so I’m in with over 1600 other followers. I see they’re playing in Lincoln on May 9th, I can click a link and find some music, got some photos too, nice one. But that’s because they do it properly – and it is still hard work.

‘Like’ a few more bands and your own Facebook ‘main page’ becomes crammed with Notifications, Events, Announcements and emails as every band, promoter, venue, folk singer and their dog competes for your attention. All their hard work is swept away in a tsunamic wave of nonsensical information.

Myspace was (I say was, it’s still there, but it’s slow and cumbersome these days) at least orientated for bands and people who like bands, Facebook is like a band playing in a restaurant, some people will go there to eat and are not interested in watching a band, so as a band you are basically competing with Sharon’s splintering relationship and Kevin’s craving for biscuits.

Maybe bands will start breaking free and once again annex the internet – there’s vast open spaces out there now that everyone has herded into one domain. Bands need to claim back their www.domains – yes Facebook is a superb platform for publicity, but that is what it should be – a platform to your own website where you control what people see. www.yourband.com should be your main page and emblazoned all over your Facebook page to encourage Kev and Sharon to stray away from the flock and rock.

Battle of the Bands: Why Do We Keep Falling for This?

 

There aren’t many things Adam Walton and I agree on. He insists on being “Dad” whenever we play House, and makes me sleep on the couch after a drink because my snoring keeps him awake. But one thing we do agree on: Liverpool have had better seasons… and Battle of the Bands competitions suck.

So how the hell did I end up sat on a judging panel, sneering like a bald Simon Cowell at a parade of hopefuls all vying for the coveted “Best Band” crown? Who am I to decide whether one band is better than another? Sure, some are — but it’s all down to taste. One man’s Stuntface is another woman’s JLS.

Why Battles of the Bands Suck

I’ve never entered one myself, though when I managed Pocket Venus I did once sign them up for a competition in Ellesmere Port. I encouraged them to trash the brand-new drum kit provided for the evening. Cue chaos: fists flying, finger-pointing, boos, jeers… and, unsurprisingly, no victory. But that’s the point — these nights aren’t about the music, they’re about how many mates you can bus in to scream the loudest.

Do I blame bands for entering? Not really. The organisers dangle carrots: a slot at Glastonbury, opening a muddy Tuesday morning tent to a couple of bemused dairy cows; a day in a “recording studio” canteen; maybe a month’s supply of Big Macs. Who wouldn’t be tempted?

The Llandudno Experience

So when Cumi phoned asking if I’d judge one of these things at Venue Cymru in Llandudno, I reluctantly said yes. To be fair, there are positives. The bands get to play on a big stage with pro sound and lights in front of 650 people — for many, a first taste of the big league and an unforgettable buzz.

But the cons? The judging panel. Alongside me sat: the venue manager, a police superintendent, a BBC weather girl, a 70-year-old drum tutor, and his mother — the mayoress of Llandudno. Apart from the drum guy (and maybe the BBC girl), what the hell did any of them know about music? After our deliberations, it turned out: absolutely nothing.

And the Winner Is… Bemusement

For the record, Bad Dog won. The announcement came after Courteous Thief played a 20-minute set, the crowd buzzing with anticipation. Then:

“And the winner is… Bad Dog.”

Cue silence.

No offence to Bad Dog, but the judges were dazzled by a Guns N’ Roses cover. A cover! In my book, that’s zero points for originality. Why not just rename it “Battle of the Karaoke Queens”? For the record, Bad Dog are a really hard rocking band and are above shit like BoTBs. There are some artists who habitually enter these 'competitions' for reasons only they will be able to answer.

Still, I can’t be too bitter. I got to watch ten bands play their three best songs (minus the covers), which saved me traipsing around North Wales sitting through full sets. A couple of standouts even emerged: Jed is Dead and Y Cer. I already knew about Zebedy and Kixxstart Kitty. Future Perfect were quirky, Rumour and Longshot were decent, Whiskey & Lace were disturbing in all the wrong ways.

Final Thoughts

Would I judge another Battle of the Bands? No chance. But then again, who am I to pass judgement?