Celebrity Shopping

While browsing in the Shit You Don’t Need section at the local supermarket (in Bangor, North Wales), it’s not uncommon to catch sight of a local celebrity or two going about their shopping business.

Take Lolfa Binc’s lunatic frontman Rhys Trimble; recently spotted down the Avant Garden aisle in Lidl, or The Cult’s Billy Duffy doing a spot of retail therapy further down the coast at Sainsburys in Rhyl.
I also bumped into Hopewell Ink and The Cane Toads’ Dave Hopewell. He was clutching a bottle of brandy and a new set of underpants - later to be seen drunkenly staggering through the streets of Bangor in said underpants muttering nonsensicals about Sylvia Plath.

Last night, while fighting with the locals at the Reduced Items section, I saw Paul and Andrea of Melys shaking their heads in my direction, obviously disappointed with me for wrestling a granny to the floor over a sandwich with today’s sell-by date on it. 

Melys have just completed a slew of gigs stretching from Bethesda across as far as Reading and as far south as Carmarthen. They were in need of nourishment from all the travelling, and to also build up strength for the release of their next single, Sgleinio. The uplifting indie anthem arrives on Friday March 28th ahead of their new album ‘Second Wine’ on April 12th.

Pre-Save / Hear it here - https://orcd.co/sgleinio

Once they’ve nibbled themselves back to full strength, you’ll find Melys back on the road.
09.05 – Focus Wales, Wrecsam / Wrexham

15.05 – Liquid Rooms, Caeredin / Edinburgh

17.05 – 02, Rhydychen / Oxford

23.05 – 02, Birmingham

24.05 – Gŵyl In It Together Festival

25.05 – MK11, Milton Keynes

Kier Starmer the gig promoter

 Woke up confused, my dream did it; Kier Starmer was disappointed with me because I hadn't followed up on the lead he gave me for my band Spam Javelin to play in Hoffenheim. I feigned that I had called the number, but I could tell he knew this wasn't the case.

With the rain mainly falling on the plain, Sunday turned out to be a pyjama day - I like these days - I couldn't do them everyday as the great outdoor forever lures me outward. The kid is online murdering aliens with his mates and I'm sifting through this week's contributions as I prepare my Louder Than War radio show.
An hour's show could easily be chucked together on the hoof, but I enjoy gathering music, listening to new stuff, researching bands - it's what makes me tick. When there was an actual studio to broadcast from there was usually a live band, eager to nervously play on air to the masses - some would travel from afar to appear on a Monday night in North Wales! I think Blanchard travelled the furthest, hailing from Lancaster (the crazy fools! - great session though!). These post-Covid days, the show is done from the comfort of my living room (usually in those said PJs!), and I'll sometimes feature a new album, depends how the mood takes me - There's no rules.

With the playlist in place, I set aside about ten minutes of free space as bands will often send me stuff during the course of Monday once they see the show advertised, and sometimes the track is too good to leave til next week. I then design a flyer for that particular show, yes, I could use the same one, but where's the fun in that? Once done I'll share it on the socials.
All this takes a couple of hours, and normally it'll be all done by around 8am on a Sunday morning!

With the Rain Gods unrelenting I took the opportunity to read the latest issue of Cubesville fanzine #27 with some cool interviews and humour driven views - I took it upon myself to go with Ritual Error's desert island disc choices (basically Cubesville asked them what three albums each of them would take), so I revved up the Spotify (yeah get over it) and skipped over Minutemen and Saccharine Trust to go for the excellent Hoover album 'The Lurid Traversal Of Route' followed by Fugazi's 'In On The Kill Taker' and Unwound's 'New Plastic Ideas.'

I then tore up my new water bill from Dwr Cymru who've increased the theft by £20 a month, and also realised I'm getting pickpocketed an extra £11 by the council. Bastards the lot of them...

Cyclepathic Cash Only Cyclist's Funeral

The weekend was slightly marred by the fact I had to work (yes even rockstars have to work for a living), so the kiddo had to string along. To keep him occupied for four hours while I made money for The Man, I coerced him into cleaning my car with the promise of money and the added bonus of commandeering a hose pipe. I've had the car for almost a year and it's NEVER been washed. Fair play, Charlie took it in his stride and did a sterling job, even vaccing the interior. Talking of sterling, I did try and fob him off with ten Euros left in my wallet after Lisbon, but he wasn't buying into that. We later agreed on a £12 kite from Smyths toys instead - alas not enough huff in the air to fly it, but I'm sure Storm Elon will be along soon.

By noon, it was time to close shop and let the leisure begin - I finally fixed the bike rack to the (now pristine) car and mounted our bikes and headed East to Llanfairfechan promenade. We hit the route on our bikes, traversing probably the toughest section of the North Wales Cycle Path around Penmaen Head and into Penmaenmawr. An ice cream on the beach was called for but the sign read 'CASH ONLY' and I sighed at the Euros in my otherwise empty wallet. I had read earlier that the Scandanavian countries were the pioneers in promoting a cashless society, but are now encouraging their populations to start using the green stuff again, and ensure some is also kept at home in case of a cyber attack. Cash should be king, with every card transaction you do, you're tracked and traced by the corporate cookie monster, just waiting to spam you with shit you don't need. Plus, if you're self employed then, money makes the world go round and the taxman, who fucks you senseless already, can't clobber you so easily.

The wonderful Bruise Control sing:

I'd rather see the grave before I see tears for the taxman

I'm gonna knock the jaw off the next toff that tells me to relax man

I'm sick to my fucking gut of you telling me what to do

The best thing i ever did was stop listening to you

Death to the jobsworths, death to the snitches

Death for the taxman, death to his riches

Death for the dead, death for the living

The decision was made to return to the car, completing a six mile cycle, and head to Llandudno pier for an ice cream, which we duly did! 

'Hey Neil!' - it was Adam of Scotch Funeral with two cohorts, also on the pier to soak in the magnificent view. The said cohorts were (I guess), Steve the drummer and cameraman Alex - they were taking a break from filming a video for the forthcoming Scotch Funeral album, called 'Ever & Ever'. This is exciting! On vinyl no less!! Fair do's... I'm really looking forward to hearing that gnarly garage punk offering (and I'm sure you are too).

(Charlie plays harmonica while I ponder over a crisp butty on the cyclepath)

#punk #cycling #northwales #cyclepath #bruisecontrol

Bruise Control / Fuzz Lightyear @ Big Hands, Manchester

 

Big Hands is such a great venue - it has cool staff and a cool vibe. Drinking our way there from the centre of town it turned out the first band weren't on until 10pm. So this meant two hours of supping and chilling out to the best playlist I've never heard... The tunes were perfect for the mood; all dirty, sleazy and all from the garage of life.

Fuzz Lightyear had played a festival earlier today and waded into Big Hands a little flustered, but were ready to rock and roll by the promised 10pm. I'm still pondering as to whether the name Fuzz Lightyear is pure genius or totally ridiculous - probably both. This doesn't detract from the fact they deliver an audacious sound straight outta Leeds. It's noisegaze, post-hardcore, garage-fuzz, call it what you want, I thought it was simply neat. Psychedelic intricate guitars are built around Ben Parry's distinct vocals and the band pull no punches. The recent expansive addition of Alex Calder on guitar / synth brings a hint of the direction they're heading and the destination is exciting. Their volatile debut EP 'Fuzz II' brought a welcome grunge strewn barrage of noise, but there is more to come out the Fuzz locker.

Bruise Control are on home turf and the cruise control is set to max. The pedal is rammed against the metal and there's RedX in the tank. The turbo-goths have necked a fistful of pills from their Nan's medicine cabinet, washed them down with cans of Monster and they're gonna get GTA on your ass.
Fronted by the cartoon character that is Jimbob Taylor, who must live in a tin shack, surrounded by chickens on the side of a dusty highway, Bruise Control rocked my world. They trashed through their repertoire, kicking, screaming, spitting and shagging. Your head is forced down the toilet and is repeatedly flushed as they laugh at your misery.
This is cowpunk hardcore nonsense for deadbeats - YOU are a deadbeat - catch Bruise Control on tour with Sniff in May.
I have just ticked a box I didn't have to tick.

This Town Is Big Enough For All Of Us - Sparks in MCR

Twice in a week I've been to a gig and been among the youngest in the audience...

Someone couldn't go and I ended up with a ticket and hotel room and watching Sparks at the magnificent Albert Hall in Manchester. Plus the added bonus of being chaperoned along the M56.

Sparks are not a band I've paid much attention to since being scared to death as a schoolkid watching Top Of The Pops. The image on Ron Mael's staring eyes and inscrutable countenance as he sat rigid at his keyboards would leave 'us kids' terrified. His Adolf Hitler 'tache and flick had you both laughing and being scared at the same time. His younger brother, Russell would be prancing about the stage as they mimed Beat The Clock.

Fast forward 40 years and little has changed... Ron and Russell are now 76 and 73 years old. Ron has warmed slightly, ditched the Hitler 'tache for a pencil version, and shows signs of being almost human. Russell is still prancing and pirouetting (tho they didn't play Beat The Clock).

Apart from the obvious song, I think I barely recognised another old hit and something off the new album 'A Steady Drip Drip' that's been receiving airplay lately. That's no reason to not enjoy the show... I loved every second and every element about it; from the secret bar tucked away at the back of the balcony, to the extended ovations from a rapturous audience, to the choice of songs from a back catalogue that spans half a century.

That's right... Sparks began at the start of the 70s as Half Nelson, and delving into that era, it's evident they were out on a limb musically, and have kind of stuck to it and let trends find them rather than the other way.

One funny anecdote, I always assumed they were German band...!!! Ha...!

Article I wrote for Rhyl Journal - Bistro Reunion

 

thebestvandals.co.uk

I got this 'fantastic' offer today on the fax... So I looked up the company, found their fax number and took them up on their offer... They've not replied yet....

15 Crashtestdummy Rd

Colwyn Bay

SP4 4FF

30.11.15

Dear Sir / Madam

Thank you for sending me an unsolicited fax from your company www.thebestvandals.co.uk.

I feel I need to complain bitterly because I dispute your claim at being the best vandals in the UK as my younger brother is a master at it.

Only last week he managed to graffiti the inside of Colwyn Bay Police Headquarters, smash all the windows in an old people’s care home and ‘key’ eleven cars in one street.

I see you have the Citroen Berlingo at £239 - is that a figure he would get for wrecking the said vehicle? As there’s a showroom nearby and he could do 20 or so overnight and clean up (so to speak). Would the damage include slashing the tyres as well?

If you are serious about your claim about being the best vandals in the UK then I suggest we arrange a vand-off. Perhaps the first to make news in the Daily Mail ?

I await your reply…

Many thanks

Joy Milward